Tuesday, May 15, 2007

i will 'gin

walking in a large warehouse that is holding some kind of convention--i enter a room with a very high ceiling and some shelves with media collections on them--there is a man browsing through the products--he makes a comment about the low price of a certain set--i tell him about a better deal on a less conspicuous shelf--he thanks me. i continue looking and nature calls.

i find a bathroom that is more like a wide open locker room with some troughs by the walls and divider walls concealing some dirty drains--i look around for awhile until i find a space that is less filthy than most--i do my business. back out in the warehouse i meet some people who are buying movies--they invite me to a party and we leave together.

the party is at a modest suburban home with some nice features--a stone kitchen with a full bar--very comfortable carpet in the great room--i pour a drink and immediately see my parents laughing while slugging back some mysterious black liquid(i didn't see that at the bar) i wonder what they're drinking--the people buying movies say that there is another party at a nearby lake--the car is leaving now if i want to go--i accept and keep trying to figure out what my parents were drinking--the car doesn't have a roof--i comment on this as i get in and the other people look at me like i'm out of my head.

the ride takes a very long time because the driver gets lost--it seems like no one knows where we are going--we arrive at a line of houses on a hill--approaching a two story that seems deserted--i see an big elevated deck with lots of drinkers--the stairs are awkward to climb--i get to the top and see a man in wraparound sunglasses and get the feeling that he is in charge here--he gives me a nod--i pour keg beer into a solo cup--the people who brought me here approach me and ask if i want to go swimming--at the same time i want to and i don't--i give a vague answer while climbing back down the stairs--standing on a hillside between the house and the deck, i look out at the lake--the sun plays a reflection on the water that is beautifully frightening--i hesitate while a handful of potential swimmers undress--they run screaming into the lake--i enter the house through a sliding glass door. i feel very safe for a moment until i realize that this is the same house i was in earlier--i have been here before--i make my way from the basement to the ground floor to try to find the black liquid i saw my parents drinking earlier--the bar now only contains a gigantic bottle of gin(like the joke bottles half as big as a person at liquor stores)--i struggle trying to pour with the giant bottle and finally get a splash out that goes half on the floor-half in my cup--this is good enough for me.

i find a staircase and figure that i will definately be alone up there. there is a leather couch with a remote control on the arm-- situated directly in front of a television--i breathe deeply and sit and click the remote--an image of a dancing girl appears on the screen--i watch for a moment and think that her surroundings look familiar--the background of the image is the same as the space behind the couch in this room--i twist my neck around and see the girl--she stops dancing and tells me that her child needs medical attention--she is very intoxicated and slurs her speech--i propose that i can supervise transportation for the child--the girl wildly thanks me and throws her arms around my neck--this makes me intensely uncomfortable but i smile politely and ask her where the child is--she points to the corner of the room at a miniature person that appears to be very old--as i get closer i know that the being is simply a child with very wrinkled skin--i say some comforting words and the mother offered mild encouragement for the kid to follow me--i set the untouched gin on the floor and leave.

the house was the same one that i was in earlier(one house in two locations)--we exit at the ground floor to a pleasant suburban street--the sun is setting now and this is my only concern--i don't really know where i'm going but i have a strong sense that when i see it-i will know. i hold the child's hand and walk slowly downhill. the child has trouble breathing and collapses after a dozen steps--now i am carrying it in my arms--scanning the horizon wildly to determine the destination--i close my eyes and see the man with sunglasses in a nearby yard--i start in that direction--the light is waning and it is incredibly difficult to see where i am going--i trust in my vision and cut through a backyard--over a chain link fence--and mr. black glasses takes the child from me--bowing and scraping.

it is pitch black now as i try to make my way back to that house--i backtrack and walk down an unfamiliar street--i see the same house in a different location--i am sure of it--i walk around back to make sure--yes, there is the elevated deck, the lake, the sliding glass door--i enter and the house is dark--i flip some lights on and navigate to the bar--it is completely empty--no people--no booze--no light.

wake up.

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