Sunday, June 3, 2007
melting water melting faces
There is a trailer park in a desert—the trailers have great spaces between them—several miles or more—I am in one of them with an old guitar player—he brings out something that looks like rock candy on a string—he gives me one and tells me to breathe it in—I follow his example and feel goofy—now there are about 30 people in this desert trailer—all of them inhaling this candy—all looking stupid
A flash of light outside and a panic hits—gotta go now—out the swinging door and…
Walking home through a hanging garden—my school mates are there—spread out among the plants—admiring—a waterfall runs neatly underneath the plexiglass flooring—I walk through a few similar buildings like this and reach the hotel that I’m staying in—up a flight of stairs and into the room
I have plenty of downtime so I decide to order room service—vodka—a few moments pass—I examine the room—it has no distinguishing characteristics-- it looks like every other hotel room i've ever been in—the waiter knocks and I tip well—time flashes forward and the room is now a swimming pool of vodka—a crowd of people are swimming and playing with oversized beach balls—I exit out of the window and shimmy down the side of the building—entering through the side door
Into the hotel restaurant—there are no seats here—no tables—I wander through the kitchen and into the cold locker for some peace. A woman throws the door open—wailing about how the exits are mysteriously melding shut—a door appears in the back of the locker—now the population of the hotel is following me—we go through several doors that appear—I have no idea where we are or where we are going—I can only hear screams
I wake up and see the word DESPAIR on my pillow in white letters
In a shopping mall at closing time—I am homeless so a shop owner lets me stay the night in his shop—I get the feeling that I am breaking everything I come within a few feet of—this guy is losing lots of merchandise to my destructive ghost—he kicks me out
Now all of the area is black as pitch—save for one small twinkling light—it is a candle in an ice cream store—I knock on the gate and hear the owner stir—he is at the gate in nightclothes saying he lives above his shop—I can stay in the shop for one night—he recites a riddle and goes back to bed—I walk up the inclined floor to the cashier’s counter—sorting through some thoughts—there is a melted bowl of ice cream on a table and two exits behind the counter—one on either side—the riddle has something to do with choosing the correct side—I go left—
An ancient looking room with some modern conveniences—a refrigerator—some bedding—and a great window going the length of the room—with a stunning view of tree branches—I think that I must have chosen the wrong answer.
Going back to the cashier’s counter—the melted bowl of ice cream is now fresh—I startle when I see this—now back on the right exit
There are some animal and water sounds—no light—I backtrack.
The ice cream is melted—I try to go back into the door on the left—it is locked—I sit the night out at a table—in the morning, the shop owner comes down the stairs, smiles, and says
"mirrors"
I wake up and see the word DESPAIR on my pillow in white letters
A flash of light outside and a panic hits—gotta go now—out the swinging door and…
Walking home through a hanging garden—my school mates are there—spread out among the plants—admiring—a waterfall runs neatly underneath the plexiglass flooring—I walk through a few similar buildings like this and reach the hotel that I’m staying in—up a flight of stairs and into the room
I have plenty of downtime so I decide to order room service—vodka—a few moments pass—I examine the room—it has no distinguishing characteristics-- it looks like every other hotel room i've ever been in—the waiter knocks and I tip well—time flashes forward and the room is now a swimming pool of vodka—a crowd of people are swimming and playing with oversized beach balls—I exit out of the window and shimmy down the side of the building—entering through the side door
Into the hotel restaurant—there are no seats here—no tables—I wander through the kitchen and into the cold locker for some peace. A woman throws the door open—wailing about how the exits are mysteriously melding shut—a door appears in the back of the locker—now the population of the hotel is following me—we go through several doors that appear—I have no idea where we are or where we are going—I can only hear screams
I wake up and see the word DESPAIR on my pillow in white letters
In a shopping mall at closing time—I am homeless so a shop owner lets me stay the night in his shop—I get the feeling that I am breaking everything I come within a few feet of—this guy is losing lots of merchandise to my destructive ghost—he kicks me out
Now all of the area is black as pitch—save for one small twinkling light—it is a candle in an ice cream store—I knock on the gate and hear the owner stir—he is at the gate in nightclothes saying he lives above his shop—I can stay in the shop for one night—he recites a riddle and goes back to bed—I walk up the inclined floor to the cashier’s counter—sorting through some thoughts—there is a melted bowl of ice cream on a table and two exits behind the counter—one on either side—the riddle has something to do with choosing the correct side—I go left—
An ancient looking room with some modern conveniences—a refrigerator—some bedding—and a great window going the length of the room—with a stunning view of tree branches—I think that I must have chosen the wrong answer.
Going back to the cashier’s counter—the melted bowl of ice cream is now fresh—I startle when I see this—now back on the right exit
There are some animal and water sounds—no light—I backtrack.
The ice cream is melted—I try to go back into the door on the left—it is locked—I sit the night out at a table—in the morning, the shop owner comes down the stairs, smiles, and says
"mirrors"
I wake up and see the word DESPAIR on my pillow in white letters
Thursday, May 31, 2007
shark pd
waking up on the floor in a room with no furniture--i walk into the next room--no furniture--outside, the yard seems to be extraordinary--green grass, gravel walkways, and healthy trees for great distances--the sun filters down to the ground in a reassuring way--i don't have anything to do, nor do i feel the need to do anything--so i sit under one of the trees.
a car drives through the yard and parks--i am far enough away from the house that i feel that the driver will not notice me--a blonde woman hurries through the door in a haphazard way--i am nervous--she exits just as abruptly as she arrived--i wait a few minutes and then cautiously re-enter the house--i'm not sure what i'll find, why i'm looking, or why it seems very dangerous to do what i'm doing.
tip-toeing on the carpet--nothing seems to have changed--wait--i find an undiscovered room with a desk and a computer--my heart jumps at the slamming of a car door--like a child, i hide under the desk.
the woman is crying and pacing--she mutters to herself--then she talks to me--i feel semisafe but keep words to a minimum--she invites me to go on a car ride with her and i accept--we walk out the door and are almost to the car when she pauses like something was forgotten--back inside she leads me to a radiator and motions to it--i don't understand--she gives me a look of exasperation and digs some white powder out from underneath--she scoops it into a napkin and gives it to me.
at this exact moment--the door is kicked open and several men are yelling--in the second that i had my attention diverted--the woman disappeared like a specter--i hide under the desk and really hope these screaming brutes are as dumb as they sound--they aren't.
a bald man with a thick moustache kicks me and shoves a gun against my skull--he lets me know that my 'mission' has been canceled by a higher ranking officer--i hand him the napkin and he seems to lighten up--he even half-smiles and offers brief encouragement--i tell him that there is a computer that i need to confiscate--he nods and i tuck it under my arm while demanding his car keys--i seem to be in a sudden position of power--these men were sent simply to inform me.
elsewhere, i am sitting on a couch--watching this scene play out as the introduction to a televised police drama--the intro credits roll--my name is placed last--as a special guest star.
continuation at the point of the entrance--now i see the men methodically surrounded the house--a horrific burst of shouting and gun pointing follows--i am found--cut to me in a helicopter over a city--the voice-over tells of an impending terrorist attack--nobody knows where, when, or how--but it is my job to secure this city. i tell the aircraft to stop at a beach on the edge of town--cliche cop intuition guides me--an image of a shark jumping out of the water plays in slow motion.
i am driving a squad car as fast as it will go--i am on unfamiliar roads but i know exactly where i'm going--the scenery shifts from a sparse beach to an urban sprawl--buildings assault the skyline--i jump out of the car with the notebook computer tucked neatly under an arm--i stand in a moment of glory as the car explodes against a building--another slow motion shot of me walking while the explosion happens in the background.
a shot of me booting the laptop--hurriedly typing--some web pages in the history are displayed--i find some emails detailing a meetup that is happening today--the day of the impending attack--heroic music plays--more pointless slow motion.
i squeal the brakes of an unmarked government car in front a brick building with broken windows--walking past some men while a radio blares--short cut of some guys doing wildstyle graffiti--inside there is one large room with some cameras trained on two human exaggerations having sex--a man sitting in a chair yells--nothing happens--i give him the napkin full of white powder and he gives me a piece of paper.
back in the helicopter--no land in sight--close up shot of a dozen sharks jumping out of the water--a feeling of completion
wake up
a car drives through the yard and parks--i am far enough away from the house that i feel that the driver will not notice me--a blonde woman hurries through the door in a haphazard way--i am nervous--she exits just as abruptly as she arrived--i wait a few minutes and then cautiously re-enter the house--i'm not sure what i'll find, why i'm looking, or why it seems very dangerous to do what i'm doing.
tip-toeing on the carpet--nothing seems to have changed--wait--i find an undiscovered room with a desk and a computer--my heart jumps at the slamming of a car door--like a child, i hide under the desk.
the woman is crying and pacing--she mutters to herself--then she talks to me--i feel semisafe but keep words to a minimum--she invites me to go on a car ride with her and i accept--we walk out the door and are almost to the car when she pauses like something was forgotten--back inside she leads me to a radiator and motions to it--i don't understand--she gives me a look of exasperation and digs some white powder out from underneath--she scoops it into a napkin and gives it to me.
at this exact moment--the door is kicked open and several men are yelling--in the second that i had my attention diverted--the woman disappeared like a specter--i hide under the desk and really hope these screaming brutes are as dumb as they sound--they aren't.
a bald man with a thick moustache kicks me and shoves a gun against my skull--he lets me know that my 'mission' has been canceled by a higher ranking officer--i hand him the napkin and he seems to lighten up--he even half-smiles and offers brief encouragement--i tell him that there is a computer that i need to confiscate--he nods and i tuck it under my arm while demanding his car keys--i seem to be in a sudden position of power--these men were sent simply to inform me.
elsewhere, i am sitting on a couch--watching this scene play out as the introduction to a televised police drama--the intro credits roll--my name is placed last--as a special guest star.
continuation at the point of the entrance--now i see the men methodically surrounded the house--a horrific burst of shouting and gun pointing follows--i am found--cut to me in a helicopter over a city--the voice-over tells of an impending terrorist attack--nobody knows where, when, or how--but it is my job to secure this city. i tell the aircraft to stop at a beach on the edge of town--cliche cop intuition guides me--an image of a shark jumping out of the water plays in slow motion.
i am driving a squad car as fast as it will go--i am on unfamiliar roads but i know exactly where i'm going--the scenery shifts from a sparse beach to an urban sprawl--buildings assault the skyline--i jump out of the car with the notebook computer tucked neatly under an arm--i stand in a moment of glory as the car explodes against a building--another slow motion shot of me walking while the explosion happens in the background.
a shot of me booting the laptop--hurriedly typing--some web pages in the history are displayed--i find some emails detailing a meetup that is happening today--the day of the impending attack--heroic music plays--more pointless slow motion.
i squeal the brakes of an unmarked government car in front a brick building with broken windows--walking past some men while a radio blares--short cut of some guys doing wildstyle graffiti--inside there is one large room with some cameras trained on two human exaggerations having sex--a man sitting in a chair yells--nothing happens--i give him the napkin full of white powder and he gives me a piece of paper.
back in the helicopter--no land in sight--close up shot of a dozen sharks jumping out of the water--a feeling of completion
wake up
Monday, May 28, 2007
clumsy
there is some kind of competition taking place in a water park--i am walking across some small green hills to try to see better--the tree cover is oddly soothing--a man shoots out of a water slide and knocks me over--he apologizes and runs away.
after a bit of thinking--i know i am in an altered version of a park in which i spent most of my childhood years HILLCREST
there are ferns nudging their way onto bark covered walking paths--the trees seem to be healthier--there is a water complex with slides and an enormous swimming pool--a starter's pistol is heard at regular intervals--there is a two story brick building where the tennis courts used to be--i enter.
it is a kind of souvenir shop that carries school supplies and nonperishable groceries--walking along an aisle--i spot some paints i want--check pockets, no money--i decide to steal them--i am wearing baggy swim trunks with confusing zippered pockets, so every time i see a color i like--zip zip--i start to get nervous because i am dropping things and seeming to take lots of time in getting the right colors--i try to maintain an air of innocence--exiting the art supplies aisle-i see a screening room for some kind of educational video--all of the seats are taken and when i try to watch it standing up-an attendant escorts me out.
i am sweating as i walk toward the doors. my pockets are awkwardly bulging and it's painfully obvious that i'm a thief. one step from the door and a clerk yells/points. i naturally assume that i have been caught and start running(chase scene music starts playing in my head--something like the mission impossible theme)--at the exact moment i exit-there is a pack of runners going past the shop--i fall in and hope i chose effective camouflage.
after a few glances and just as many minutes--i know the yelling in the shop didn't concern me--i sit on a park bench and admire the paints--a familiar woman sits next to me and asks a series of inane questions--her body language tells me she is attracted to me--i invite her into the water park--thinking i could fuck her in the locker room--we walk slowly--i recognize this woman--i have known her at some point in my life--it is mind grating.
at the park entrance-we meet no resistance and she instinctively follows me into the men's lockers--i find a vacant corner and we sit on a bench--the removal of clothes is automatic--so is insertion/intercourse--i am not paying attention and i have finished--the entire time i was trying to place her identity in my personal history.
after i wake up i realize the girl in my dream is the girl i live with now-with slightly altered features
after a bit of thinking--i know i am in an altered version of a park in which i spent most of my childhood years HILLCREST
there are ferns nudging their way onto bark covered walking paths--the trees seem to be healthier--there is a water complex with slides and an enormous swimming pool--a starter's pistol is heard at regular intervals--there is a two story brick building where the tennis courts used to be--i enter.
it is a kind of souvenir shop that carries school supplies and nonperishable groceries--walking along an aisle--i spot some paints i want--check pockets, no money--i decide to steal them--i am wearing baggy swim trunks with confusing zippered pockets, so every time i see a color i like--zip zip--i start to get nervous because i am dropping things and seeming to take lots of time in getting the right colors--i try to maintain an air of innocence--exiting the art supplies aisle-i see a screening room for some kind of educational video--all of the seats are taken and when i try to watch it standing up-an attendant escorts me out.
i am sweating as i walk toward the doors. my pockets are awkwardly bulging and it's painfully obvious that i'm a thief. one step from the door and a clerk yells/points. i naturally assume that i have been caught and start running(chase scene music starts playing in my head--something like the mission impossible theme)--at the exact moment i exit-there is a pack of runners going past the shop--i fall in and hope i chose effective camouflage.
after a few glances and just as many minutes--i know the yelling in the shop didn't concern me--i sit on a park bench and admire the paints--a familiar woman sits next to me and asks a series of inane questions--her body language tells me she is attracted to me--i invite her into the water park--thinking i could fuck her in the locker room--we walk slowly--i recognize this woman--i have known her at some point in my life--it is mind grating.
at the park entrance-we meet no resistance and she instinctively follows me into the men's lockers--i find a vacant corner and we sit on a bench--the removal of clothes is automatic--so is insertion/intercourse--i am not paying attention and i have finished--the entire time i was trying to place her identity in my personal history.
after i wake up i realize the girl in my dream is the girl i live with now-with slightly altered features
Friday, May 25, 2007
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
i will 'gin
walking in a large warehouse that is holding some kind of convention--i enter a room with a very high ceiling and some shelves with media collections on them--there is a man browsing through the products--he makes a comment about the low price of a certain set--i tell him about a better deal on a less conspicuous shelf--he thanks me. i continue looking and nature calls.
i find a bathroom that is more like a wide open locker room with some troughs by the walls and divider walls concealing some dirty drains--i look around for awhile until i find a space that is less filthy than most--i do my business. back out in the warehouse i meet some people who are buying movies--they invite me to a party and we leave together.
the party is at a modest suburban home with some nice features--a stone kitchen with a full bar--very comfortable carpet in the great room--i pour a drink and immediately see my parents laughing while slugging back some mysterious black liquid(i didn't see that at the bar) i wonder what they're drinking--the people buying movies say that there is another party at a nearby lake--the car is leaving now if i want to go--i accept and keep trying to figure out what my parents were drinking--the car doesn't have a roof--i comment on this as i get in and the other people look at me like i'm out of my head.
the ride takes a very long time because the driver gets lost--it seems like no one knows where we are going--we arrive at a line of houses on a hill--approaching a two story that seems deserted--i see an big elevated deck with lots of drinkers--the stairs are awkward to climb--i get to the top and see a man in wraparound sunglasses and get the feeling that he is in charge here--he gives me a nod--i pour keg beer into a solo cup--the people who brought me here approach me and ask if i want to go swimming--at the same time i want to and i don't--i give a vague answer while climbing back down the stairs--standing on a hillside between the house and the deck, i look out at the lake--the sun plays a reflection on the water that is beautifully frightening--i hesitate while a handful of potential swimmers undress--they run screaming into the lake--i enter the house through a sliding glass door. i feel very safe for a moment until i realize that this is the same house i was in earlier--i have been here before--i make my way from the basement to the ground floor to try to find the black liquid i saw my parents drinking earlier--the bar now only contains a gigantic bottle of gin(like the joke bottles half as big as a person at liquor stores)--i struggle trying to pour with the giant bottle and finally get a splash out that goes half on the floor-half in my cup--this is good enough for me.
i find a staircase and figure that i will definately be alone up there. there is a leather couch with a remote control on the arm-- situated directly in front of a television--i breathe deeply and sit and click the remote--an image of a dancing girl appears on the screen--i watch for a moment and think that her surroundings look familiar--the background of the image is the same as the space behind the couch in this room--i twist my neck around and see the girl--she stops dancing and tells me that her child needs medical attention--she is very intoxicated and slurs her speech--i propose that i can supervise transportation for the child--the girl wildly thanks me and throws her arms around my neck--this makes me intensely uncomfortable but i smile politely and ask her where the child is--she points to the corner of the room at a miniature person that appears to be very old--as i get closer i know that the being is simply a child with very wrinkled skin--i say some comforting words and the mother offered mild encouragement for the kid to follow me--i set the untouched gin on the floor and leave.
the house was the same one that i was in earlier(one house in two locations)--we exit at the ground floor to a pleasant suburban street--the sun is setting now and this is my only concern--i don't really know where i'm going but i have a strong sense that when i see it-i will know. i hold the child's hand and walk slowly downhill. the child has trouble breathing and collapses after a dozen steps--now i am carrying it in my arms--scanning the horizon wildly to determine the destination--i close my eyes and see the man with sunglasses in a nearby yard--i start in that direction--the light is waning and it is incredibly difficult to see where i am going--i trust in my vision and cut through a backyard--over a chain link fence--and mr. black glasses takes the child from me--bowing and scraping.
it is pitch black now as i try to make my way back to that house--i backtrack and walk down an unfamiliar street--i see the same house in a different location--i am sure of it--i walk around back to make sure--yes, there is the elevated deck, the lake, the sliding glass door--i enter and the house is dark--i flip some lights on and navigate to the bar--it is completely empty--no people--no booze--no light.
wake up.
i find a bathroom that is more like a wide open locker room with some troughs by the walls and divider walls concealing some dirty drains--i look around for awhile until i find a space that is less filthy than most--i do my business. back out in the warehouse i meet some people who are buying movies--they invite me to a party and we leave together.
the party is at a modest suburban home with some nice features--a stone kitchen with a full bar--very comfortable carpet in the great room--i pour a drink and immediately see my parents laughing while slugging back some mysterious black liquid(i didn't see that at the bar) i wonder what they're drinking--the people buying movies say that there is another party at a nearby lake--the car is leaving now if i want to go--i accept and keep trying to figure out what my parents were drinking--the car doesn't have a roof--i comment on this as i get in and the other people look at me like i'm out of my head.
the ride takes a very long time because the driver gets lost--it seems like no one knows where we are going--we arrive at a line of houses on a hill--approaching a two story that seems deserted--i see an big elevated deck with lots of drinkers--the stairs are awkward to climb--i get to the top and see a man in wraparound sunglasses and get the feeling that he is in charge here--he gives me a nod--i pour keg beer into a solo cup--the people who brought me here approach me and ask if i want to go swimming--at the same time i want to and i don't--i give a vague answer while climbing back down the stairs--standing on a hillside between the house and the deck, i look out at the lake--the sun plays a reflection on the water that is beautifully frightening--i hesitate while a handful of potential swimmers undress--they run screaming into the lake--i enter the house through a sliding glass door. i feel very safe for a moment until i realize that this is the same house i was in earlier--i have been here before--i make my way from the basement to the ground floor to try to find the black liquid i saw my parents drinking earlier--the bar now only contains a gigantic bottle of gin(like the joke bottles half as big as a person at liquor stores)--i struggle trying to pour with the giant bottle and finally get a splash out that goes half on the floor-half in my cup--this is good enough for me.
i find a staircase and figure that i will definately be alone up there. there is a leather couch with a remote control on the arm-- situated directly in front of a television--i breathe deeply and sit and click the remote--an image of a dancing girl appears on the screen--i watch for a moment and think that her surroundings look familiar--the background of the image is the same as the space behind the couch in this room--i twist my neck around and see the girl--she stops dancing and tells me that her child needs medical attention--she is very intoxicated and slurs her speech--i propose that i can supervise transportation for the child--the girl wildly thanks me and throws her arms around my neck--this makes me intensely uncomfortable but i smile politely and ask her where the child is--she points to the corner of the room at a miniature person that appears to be very old--as i get closer i know that the being is simply a child with very wrinkled skin--i say some comforting words and the mother offered mild encouragement for the kid to follow me--i set the untouched gin on the floor and leave.
the house was the same one that i was in earlier(one house in two locations)--we exit at the ground floor to a pleasant suburban street--the sun is setting now and this is my only concern--i don't really know where i'm going but i have a strong sense that when i see it-i will know. i hold the child's hand and walk slowly downhill. the child has trouble breathing and collapses after a dozen steps--now i am carrying it in my arms--scanning the horizon wildly to determine the destination--i close my eyes and see the man with sunglasses in a nearby yard--i start in that direction--the light is waning and it is incredibly difficult to see where i am going--i trust in my vision and cut through a backyard--over a chain link fence--and mr. black glasses takes the child from me--bowing and scraping.
it is pitch black now as i try to make my way back to that house--i backtrack and walk down an unfamiliar street--i see the same house in a different location--i am sure of it--i walk around back to make sure--yes, there is the elevated deck, the lake, the sliding glass door--i enter and the house is dark--i flip some lights on and navigate to the bar--it is completely empty--no people--no booze--no light.
wake up.
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